I was on Facebook the other day and I saw a blogger post a question from a reader. The lady had 3 girls and the middle girl has severe middle child syndrome. The mother wanted to know how she could try to get her child beyond that.
OK. Good question. I know there are a lot of kids out there that might have that same issue and I bet a lot of other moms could help. THANKFULLY I have never had to deal with that, I'll explain a little more about that latter. I want to stay on topic here. ;)
ANYWAY, there was A LOT of advice but I also kept seeing a recurring theme among mothers to boys...... Here is a little taste.
"I tell my middle son to suck it up and quit being a baby."
"I always say to my boy to quit crying, I thought I only had 2 girls."
"I tell my son to quit being a sissy."
REALLY?????? Are you SERIOUS????? What year is it again? Did these mothers just pass through a time warp????
It hurts my heart so much to read that these women actually say these things to their sweet little boys. Telling them that boys aren't supposed to show their emotions. That they need to, essentially, shut up and deal.... These are CHILDREN!!!! They are precious! Their feelings COUNT! They are not small adults! They are watching, listening and learning by everything you say AND do! You are molding them into the adults they will be! Do we really need more grown males that can't/won't express emotions except for happiness and anger???
I really wanted to let those women have it. I didn't. I didn't say anything. Maybe I should have. I don't know..... I didn't want to be "that person" that jumps into a thread simply to tell someone off. And I think even if I had done it in a calm manner, it would have escalated into much more....
I just can't believe that this is still how some people think! Why should a child's gender matter when it comes to emotions? Why shouldn't little boys cry??? I do not understand this way of thinking and I have 3 boys!!!
Are they saying that men that cry are not really men?
I bet anything that most of them wish their husbands showed more emotions......
My heart hurts so much for these boys. I can only pray that their mothers wise up and stop treating them as if their feelings and emotions don't count. How very, very sad. Keep children like this in your prayers, please.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What's so funny is that many of those same people, if asked, would say that they are all for equality for their daughters. Why doesn't it dawn on them that equality means all are equal, and not just in certain areas of choice, but in all things.ReplyDelete
AMEN and AMEN and AMEN!!!ReplyDelete
Equality for one means equality for ALL!!!!
I agree Stacy. Our Lord wept. He cried when His heart hurt. A small boy, a male teenager, a grown man have hurting hearts. When is it appropriate to tell a boy not to cry? When is it appropriate to tell a girl not to cry? One and the same. My three sons all cry and my love has never deminished nor have I felt they were less masculine when they did. Our ability to cry is our gift. I will pray for wisdom for the mothers of these boys. If there attitude is one of scorn when their child hurts, I am concerned what happens in other circumstances.ReplyDelete
You are absolutely correct, Regena!!!ReplyDelete
It does make a person concerned for the children all around!!!
I know that from now on I will praying specifically for kids like that.
I really couldn't have said that better!ReplyDelete
I do have to admit to telling BOTH of my kids (a boy and a girl) to suck it up and get over it. Usually it's because they're milking it, however.
That is something else, entirely! LOL We all know when they are just whining just to make noise and when they are really upset.ReplyDelete
Well said, Stacy!!!ReplyDelete
How heartbreaking. I so agree with Regina [above post] , Our Lord cried, and what a Saviour., How a mama could speak like that about her little boy, is beyond me., I have a son and
a daughter. I wanted them both to grow up an be responsible adults,but I also wanted them to have love and care for thier families and others. And I feel that teaching girls and boys to show emotion by crying is very important.. It does not mean they are not masculine..It means they care.
I know a family that has 2 girls and one boy.. and my heart goes out to this boy [he is the oldest child].The girls can do anything, the boy is made to give into thier every whelm, and if they want anything,they get it. He is constantly told to " quit complaining, quit acting like a sissy, be a boy and stop crying".. I see this child and I see hurt in his eyes, and I wonder what damage is being done to him? What will he do when he is grown? Parents should remember that girls and boys are equal.. They feel hurt, sadness, pain, happiness, just alike, and should be able to express it.. NO one is better than anyone else. My prayers are for these children, and that thier parents will see it.
thankyou for sharing.
How awful!! I just don't understand how the parents can't see the damage they are doing!ReplyDelete
We should all be able to express all of our emotions in a healthy way! Compassion especially! And if we teach our boys to not show those feelings we are robbing them of those feelings. They will believe they shouldn't feel sadness or compassion for others.
All I know to do is pray, pray and pray.