January 10, 2014

Secret Subject Swap January 2014

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.


Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                         Baking In A Tornado

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                   Follow me home . . .

http://themomisodes.com                                       The Momisodes

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                          Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://aworkingmomswhoas.com/                           A Working Mom’s “Whoas”’

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                   Evil Joy Speaks

http://xcartwight.blogspot.com                                 Go Momma!

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                             Juicebox Confession

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                       Searching for Sanity

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com                       Spatulas on Parade

http://www.smalltalkmama.com                                 Small Talk Mama

If I could spend a day with my fifteen year old self I would......

It was submitted by:


Pic of me at 15

That is me at 15. This is the only picture I have of myself at that age but it's the perfect one. I have on my very favorite t-shirt (Guns N Roses) and my very favorite jeans.

I have been thinking long and hard about this post ever since I received my prompt. Do I tell it like it was? Do I just make something up? Will I tick off my family if I DO tell it the way it was?

Well, here it goes, regardless.

I was such a mess at 15. My life was a mess at 15. Everything seemed to be spiraling out of control.

My mom was an alcoholic. My dad was pretty much absent and had just remarried. I was supposed to have been in the wedding but no one showed up to get me. I didn't even get a phone call saying they couldn't come. Just me sitting with my bags packed, waiting.

And people wondered why my head wasn't on straight.  I was made to feel as if there was something tragically wrong with me because of the way I reacted to my situation in life. Yes, I was wild. Yes, I was out of control. I was 15 and in situations no one should ever have to go through. No one, no matter what age.

So, what would I do if I spent the day with my 15 year old self? I would hug me. And hug me and hug me. I would tell me that everything was really and truly going to be OK. That I would make it out with my sanity intact. That even though it didn't feel that way at the time, there really were people that loved and cared about me. That I mattered. That my parents were human and also dealing with issues. I don't believe either of them ever meant to hurt me. I know now that they both loved me, they just couldn't see past their own issues. I would tell my 15 year old self to cut them some slack.

Oh, my gosh... Am I really going to post this? I don't know..... I just don't know....

I guess I could make up some drivel about how much fun I would have with my 15 year old self.... But that wouldn't be true. That wouldn't be me.

So that part of me that is still 15, that still feels that hurt -

I love you. You matter.

Oh, gosh! I think I'm actually going to hit the schedule button.


  1. I wish I could go back with you and hug your 15 year old self. I cannot imagine what it felt like to live through what you've been through. I just know it made you the person you are today, and that person is pretty special. XO

  2. Thank you, Karen. Thank you so much!! I can't tell you how much those words mean to me.

  3. Oh, Stacy, I had no idea. Reading this made me so sad. On the other hand I strongly believe that writing this post did your 29 year old some good. Your 15 year old thanks you for taking the time to just be with her and showing that you care. Let me hug you!

  4. Thank you, Tamara! SO MUCH!
    You are definitely right. It did do me good to get it off my chest.
    Thank you, again!!!

  5. If we were 15, we could hang out together and understand each other like no one else. Life at 15 was rough, so rough in fact that at 16 I got married to escape. Bad move.
    I would hug me too!
    HUGs to you, you do matter and I'm glad you made it out with your sanity.

  6. HUGGING you back!!!!!!!!!!!
    Glad to know that we BOTH made it out.
    THANK YOU!!!!

  7. Your 15 year old self and my 15 year old self should totally be friends. Maybe then we'd make it through differently and maybe a bit less jaded. ♥

  8. I'm so thankful you hit the post button. That's hard stuff to write, even harder to share. Good on you. Hugging you and your 15 you too.

  9. Thank you so much!!
    You are so right! One of the hardest pieces that I have ever written. Shew!!!

  10. So happy you published this. There are more people than you can imagine that would have hugged your fifteen year-old self. I'm so sorry you had to go through any of that; but if it made you who you are today, I would tell your younger self that. That you matter to so many for a million different reasons. Give both of "yous" a hug from me.

  11. I teared up a little bit, but in a good way. Thank you so much! That means more to me than you could know.
    <3 <3 <3


I <3 comments!! Thank you so much for taking the time! :)